You're So Vain
by Sandy87
Summary: Ratchet and Clank go to a kakaoke party, and Ratchet sings (Clank sings, too, but the fuzzball starts it)! Dedicated to Captain Qwark, who is quite vain.


Disclaimer: Ratchet, Clank, Qwark, and all the other people/aliens/robots/furballs in the game belong to Insomniac. Toy Story (which gets mentioned all of one time) belongs to Disney and Pixar. "You're So Vain" was sung by Carly Simon, but I dunno if she owns it or not. But I do know one things: I don't own it! I also know I'm getting squat from this, aside from personal satisfaction.  
  
Yes, yes, I *AM* working on a R&C fic. It's really, REALLY long, and when I heard this song on the radio and my stupid muse (who is back at the moment, but looks ready to run) decided to inspire me, I though, 'eh, why not? I'll take a break, and who knows, maybe it'll cure the evil writer's block!' So, here you go: one R&C songfic to the tune of:  
YOU'RE SO VAIN  
  
Down at the Cherry Caffé ("sakura" didn't give the nice alliteration, alright?) in Blackwater City on planet Rilgar, there was a karaoke party one night. Everybody within a lightyear or three came (Buzz tried, but he got kicked out, because he was too human). And, of course, there was the singing and general drunkenness that normally acompanies karaoke parties.  
  
Ratchet and Clank, having just arived, were not intoxicated. Actually, a robot couldn't become intoxicated if he tried - he'd just rust - but the point is that they were sober. Perfectly sober. Unlike the Snagglebeast. Of course, everyone was *glad* he was drunk; in his normal state, he would have eaten them all, but drunk as a skunk he sang operas and sniffed flowers. Then again, maybe being eaten wasn't so bad... A booger like that can't sing very well.  
  
As soon as the winged blue hairball stepped down from the stage (and everyone's ears quit ringing), Ratchet grabbed the mike, intending to skip sake to save his poor eardrums from another horrible singer. But how? He could sing himself, but what? He hadn't prepared a song. 'Then again, a drunken mob like this will listen to anything,' he reasoned. So, he randomly grabbed a CD marked "Earth's Greatest 70s: Karaoke Hits" and popped it in. The first song began to play, and he gawked at the word screen, wishing it were something else. At that moment, Captain Qwark entered, and Ratchet saw a perfect window of opportunity. He gulped air and belted out:  
  
"You walked into the party,  
  
Like you were walking onto a set,  
  
Your suit strategically green and sickening,  
  
But your gun, it just went 'click'.  
  
You had one eye in the mirror as  
  
You watched yourself cavort.  
  
And all the fans dreamed that they'd be your partner,  
  
They'd be your partner, And...  
  
"You're so vain,  
  
I bet you think this song is about you!  
  
You're so vain (you're so vain!)  
  
I bet you think this song is about you,  
  
Don't you? Don't you? And..."  
  
At this moment, Clank caught on to what Ratchet was doing and decided to cut in:  
  
"You fooled me a long time ago,  
  
When I was still quite naïve.  
  
When you said we'd make such a perfect team,  
  
And that we'd stop the Blarg.  
  
But you turned on all the things you stood for,  
  
For just a few lousy bolts.  
  
We had some dreams, they were clouds in a contrail,  
  
Clounds in a contrail, and...  
  
"You're so vain,  
  
I bet you think this song is about you!  
  
You're so vain (you're so vain!)  
  
I bet you think this song is about you,  
  
Don't you? Don't you? And..."  
  
Ratchet, sensing that the girls were once again going ga-ga over Clank, decided to join back in.  
  
Well, I hear you went off to Blackwater City,  
  
And your board, naturally, won.  
  
Then you flew your star jet up to planet Umbris  
  
To see the total eclipse of the sun!  
  
Well, you're always where you should be all of the time,  
  
And when you're not, you're with  
  
Some planet-stealer or the crazy blue winged guy,  
  
Crazy blued winged guy, And...  
  
"You're so vain,  
  
You probably think this song is about you!  
  
You're so vain (so vain!)  
  
I bet you think this song is about you,  
  
Don't you? Don't you, and..."  
  
Qwark became furious! The little fuzzball and his metal pal could really ruin his reputation! He had managed to keep the press quite about endorsing Drek's planet, but here they were blabbing it all! 'Drunk people never remember anything. Tomorrow morning they'll have forgotten it all, and I will have my adoring fans back!' he thought. Since the song was almost over, he decided to be "generous" and let them finish.  
  
"You're so vain,  
  
You probably think this song is about you!  
  
You're so vain,  
  
You probably think this song is about!  
  
You're so vain!"  
  
Ratchet held out his hand at waist hight to offer a high five to Clank, but the robot looked at him, then handed him the mike. "I appreciate your offer to help. It is rather hard for someone of my stature to reach the slots." Ratchet sighed and put the microphones back, then followed the small robot off stage and out the door; the smell was making him woozy, and having to breathe deep to sing made it worse. He pulled out the O2 Mask, just to be sure he didn't faint.  
Okay, so that was silly. Also kinda dumb. Just a little thing I thought up. Oh, and before someone jumps me: no, I do not endorse drinking. I hate the smell, so I can't immagine how it tastes. ::ugh:: It's just that Rilgar has Japanese signs and sakura (cherry) trees, and Japanese are kinda known for sake and karaoke going together, so it fit. So there. End of story. Literally. 


End file.
